Jokes and Comedy


#1

Here share your best jokes and comedy, for example, heres some funny punishments they would have in the militray that actually happened!

  1. A soldier told everyone he was an eagle scout, the sargeant cought on quickly and as punishment he took him to the forest surrounding the base and told him to build a nest, after he did that he told him to squat over the nest to keep his eggs warm.
  2. One real disrespectful soldier was confronted by the sargeant who told him “wait right here” he came back with a plant and said to the soldier “I want you to hold this plant, bring it everywhere you go, bring it to training, bring it to work, and bring it to bed. When someone asks you why your holding it tell them “to replace the air I stole from everyone else”

#2

That’s a good one!


#3

A man was found and nursed back to health by some monks. One day, he heard a strange sound. he asked what the source of the sound was. The monks said that they couldn’t tell him because he wasn’t a monk. The man asked how to become a monk. A monk said, "Tell us how many grains of sand and blades of grass there are in the world. So the man went around the world, counting. He then got back and told the monks. The monks granted him monkship and took him to a door. inside the door was another door. The man kept opening the doors until he came to the last one. He then opened it and saw the most interesting thing ever! But I can’t tell you what it was because you’re not a monk.


#4

What do you get when you mix a witch with sand.

A sandwich!


#5

One fateful day, there was a priest, a rock collector, and a pyrotechnic in a plane. The priest opens his window to get some fresh air, as they are in a small plane at a low altitude, and he accidentally drops his bible. The rock collecter and the pyrotechnic each agree to drop a rock and bomb out the window of the plane and they do so. When they land soon after and the priest is looking around town, he sees one man laughing and two children crying. He walks up to the first child and says, “why are you crying?” The child says, “I got hit in the head by a rock falling out of the sky!” The priest walks over to the next child, worried it could have been the rock the rock collector threw. He asks the second child why they are crying, and they say, “I was playing kickball then I got hit in the head with a book!” The priest then walks over to the old man and asks him how he can be so hysterically laughing while two children are crying right next to him. The old man replies, “I farted and the building behind me blew up!”

Credit to one of my friends at school who told me this joke!


#6

You know what you get when all the sudden you go down a giant hill at an insane speed.

A roller coaster!


#7

Why did the corn eat the corn?

Because it was hungry for corn.


#8

Why is 6 afraid of 7.

Because! 7 8 9.